Nawtmai Fault

The recent East Coast earthquake brings to light a previously little known and less understood geographical feature that is rooted directly under Washington D.C. It branches out in a spiderweb-like pattern, running under every state capital, every county seat, and even under each municipality's city council chambers in each city hall. The fault appears to also stretch across the ocean, showing up in areas of political power all over the world.

While most of the general public has been unaware of its existence, politicians have been citing the Nawtmai Fault as the cause for every major shake-up that has occurred in the U.S. for generations, and possibly similar events in other locations, as well.

In addition to being the cause of the recent quake, the Nawtmai Fault has also been identified by scientists as the force behind the recession, the agitator which has caused recent animosity between state governments and unions, the actual cause of the war in Afghanistan, and the real killer of Nicole Brown Simpson.

Though scientists have only recently begun studying the Nawtmai Fault, archeologists claim to have identified possible references to it in ancient writings. In a cave high in the Appalachian mountains, a series of drawings indicate that a member of one of the eastern Native American tribes attempted to warn the western tribes about sneaky, thieving invaders from another continent. Unfortunately, his route took him along the edge of the Nawtmai Fault, and he was lost. His last drawing shows a man, apparently himself, wandering aimlessly among the caves as the menacing invaders take over nearly the entire continent.

Attributed to the Nawtmai Fault are a number of natural disasters, including a worldwide cataclysmic flood, and a series of bizarre events in Egypt culminating in what looks like a mysterious mass exodus of residents. Other images show the fiery destruction of two advanced cities, and the sinking of an entire nation into the sea. Stories have been found which appear to show gasses escaping from the fault and enveloping an authority figure speaking before a crowd, after which he appears to forget himself and become lost in the mundane task of washing his hands while the people form a mob and execute an impoverished nomad. Some of the oldest cave drawings show a couple of men, apparently brothers, arguing above a section of the fault. A minor quake causes rocks to fall from a high cliff above them into the hands of one of two arguing brothers. The recipient is shown in the next drawing pummeling his brother with the rock, a sure sign of the dangers of the Nawtmai Fault. Further along the wall upon which that was found, an even earlier drawing depicts a quake along the fault, which causes fruit from a spectacularly rendered tree to fall into a nude couple's mouths, after which they seem to feel compelled to adorn themselves with vegetation and hide in the bushes. Though these events appear to be more odd than important, popular opinion among Nawtmai Fault enthusiasts is that both may in fact be highly significant events in human history.

Scientists are eager to continue studying the fault. Current opinion is that Natwmai may be the key to understanding every disaster ever experienced by humanity. Although there isn't much likelihood that learning about the fault will help to prevent future problems, scientists say they are hoping for concrete evidence which will act as a guide for future generations as they struggle in the wake of hardship and tragedy, to identify the manner in which the cause can be traced back to Nawtmai Fault. To this end, congress has recently passed a multi-trillion dollar grant to fund the study and publicize the results.