Tuesday, December 11, 2018

I completely forgot I had written this.

It's old. It's a parody of Slipknot's song, Duality, written back when zip disk use was still common (despite CDs being available and cheap.) I'd told my students absolutely NOT to use zip disks because of their tendency to lose data, become corrupt without warning, and otherwise make themselves into problems for anyone trying to store information on them... and every quarter I still had at least one student lose all of his or her work because they didn't listen.


"Corrupt"

I put my zip disk into the drive
It’s the only place I’ve saved my work for class
It’s got all the things I’m gonna need to pass
It was fine yesterday, but now that it’s inside
It won’t open up...

AAAUUUGH!!

I’ve typed until my fingers ache
I’ve taken all that I can take
This unit says my zip disk is corrupt.
I’ve worked so hard on what I’ve made
I’ve got to get a passing grade
But you can’t print what you can’t open up
I’ve gotta turn all my projects in
I can’t ask for more time again
Because I didn’t back up all my work
I guess I’ve flunked the I.T. test
My future looks like one big mess
And tech support must think that I’m a jerk!

I put my zip disk into the drive
It’s the only place I saved my work for class
It won’t open up...
I don’t understand it!

Trying drive after drive
To see if it will open in there
Leave them all in pieces, you know by now I just don’t care
I don’t know a thing about PC equipment
I’m doing it the hard way
I just don’t get the hint

I put my zip disk into the drive
It’s the only place I’ve saved my work for class
It’s got all the things I’m gonna need to pass
It was fine yesterday, but now that it’s inside
It won’t open up...
I don’t understand it!

All I’ve got... all I’ve got is this disk...
All I’ve got... all I’ve got is this disk...
All I’ve got... all I’ve got is this disk!
All I’ve got... all I’ve got is this disk!
I put my zip disk into the drive
It’s the only place I’ve saved my work for class
It’s got all the things I’m gonna need to pass
It was fine yesterday, but now that it’s inside
It won’t open up...
I don’t understand it!

Wednesday, June 6, 2018

Pandora's cat

From the dawn of time, she hunted, prowling the emptiness before the birth of the stars, slinking along the dark shadows within the Halls of Light. She could not help it. It was her nature. If blame must be placed, it must be placed with Him. He who imagined the First Cat, who decided upon her instincts, her needs, and her joys, should not then bemoan the eventuality that she would act upon them.

It was Mouse who should have been upset. His lot was simply to live on the run from the Great Huntress. Night after night, she stalked him, the two playing out their eternal drama, Mouse streaking across the floor, concealing himself in corners, sheltering under His great throne, all the while dodging her sharpened claws and unforgiving eyes. Such terrible eyes! Great, vast pools of yellow brightness haunted Mouse. Those eyes could pin him in place, were he to meet them unexpectedly, and so, he existed to run and hide. He could not help it. It was his nature. If blame must be placed, it must be placed with Him. He who imagined the First Mouse, who decided upon his appetite, his quickness of foot, and his instinctive choice to hide from Cat, should not then bemoan the eventuality that he would find a greater shelter.

The first tiny crack in the door to the Vault of Possibility had gone unnoticed for centuries. Unnoticed, that is, by all except for Mouse, who saw, calculated, watched, and waited, biding his time and guarding his knowledge. Each time, for His endeavors, He sent them for materials from within, the winged ones, in their hurry to comply, shut the door a little too hard on their way out. Finally came the anticipated day; the slightest piece fell, leaving a small hole. A glow traced across the evening shadow on the floor, and a gray streak of scant fur and great fear shot into the Vault.

Cat could not abide this turn of events. Howling with fury, she threw herself against the hole, but to no avail. Mouse fit through, but she was too big, and she could not break it. The weakened piece had fallen, but the rest held fast. One great yellow eye focused through the opening, glaring into the crevice in search of her eternal prey. All she could see was that faint glow, and glittering dust. She growled in frustration, pounding upon the great door. It did not move. She shrieked and scratched. She yowled, grumbled, and paced. She poked her paw into the hole in the bottom of the door, dug in her claws, and pulled, all to no avail. She sat down outside the door, to guard the little exit, and to wait.

Days passed, and her desperation grew. Soon, she took to pacing again, then pawing and clawing at the crack, mewling in distress over the loss of her playmate. What could she do without Mouse?

An immeasurable time later, footsteps fell, and echoed along the length of the corridor. A whiteness approached. Cat hid in the shadows, waiting for her chance. Sandaled feet passed by, beneath wings too large to use between the narrow walls. A smooth skinned hand rested upon the doorknob, turning, pulling. A flash of darkness flew, unnoticed, past the feet, into the room, and behind a large chest. Unnoticed, that is, except for Mouse, ever vigilant of his own safety. Watching from the underside of the huge chest of drawers, he noted her entry and plotted his escape. He would run for the crack. If she could not get in without aid, she also could not get out, at least not until another angel came to fetch His things. By that time, Mouse could have eaten half of the Great Banquet, if he so chose.

Carefully he planned his move. He must not give her a chance to chase him in this room. Far too many sensitive items were about. Perish the thought that anything be damaged... or released. Perish the thought that she might finally capture him!

Trembling, he timed his sprint as Cat's eyes swept the room. Don't look... don't freeze! With lightening speed, he fled his shelter, running for the door, only to encounter those deep yellow orbs. Breath locked in his humble chest, heart racing, threatening to explode, he froze in front of a huge transparent sphere in the middle of the room.

Even lost in Cat's eyes, Mouse knew he had to get away from this spot. His tail twitched, and his nose followed. First his left rear foot slid to the side, and then his left front followed. A shiver ran through him as the low crouch of Cat's body stretched to a belly crawl. His whiskers wavered as she slid across the floor toward him. More tiny movement to his left barely changed the angle of the chase, though his attempt triggered Cat's tail, and it led the preparation to pounce.

Mouse sprang aside as Cat lept upon his position, only to find herself confronting the great sphere. Her claws sank deep into the soft skin, slashing down to the floor as Mouse ran for the hole in the door. An alarming hiss escaped from the deflating sphere. This was the most vulnerable of His things. Therein lay the highest treasure and most terrible curse of all; the smoky beginning and end of Existence, where He stored his hopes, dreams, and fears. This was the greatest power outside of His intent. Now that it had been allowed to escape, it would surely run amok. All ready it had begun to solidify upon the floor, piling deep and dark where the bubble had been.

A clamoring alarm rang throughout the Halls of Light. Footsteps rushed to the door. Cat, knowing she was in trouble, hid once again behind the chest. As the host rushed in, she gained the corridor, tearing away as if chased by demons. Looking upon the mess of His shattered dreams, He groaned with patient but annoyed understanding. "We suppose," He said, rolling His ancient, laughing eyes, and gathering the rich, red clay, "We shall have to do something with this. Let there be light."

And there was.

Saturday, November 12, 2011

To kill a coughing fit

Half of the people I know are sick right now, mostly with Strep Throat, sinus infections, and chest colds. I know of at least two cases of Pneumonia, and one Bronchitis. This seems like a good time to write about my favorite home remedies for respiratory illnesses.

First, we'll deal with the throat and sinuses.

For this, I use a saline rinse and a saline gargle.
The formula for this is lukewarm water (105 degrees F) and salt. The saline rinse is 1/2 teaspoon of salt to a cup of water. The gargle is 1 whole teaspoon salt to a cup of water. Do not overdo the salt, or using the rinse will hurt.

The saline rinse is used like nose drops. I don't like neti pots, because the amount of fluid dispensed kind of forces it through instead of letting it go where it may.

Instead, the drops should be administered 2-4 drops into each nostril while the patient is laying on his or her back. The patient should remain laying down for at least 30 seconds, then may get up and blow the drops out. This can be repeated if necessary.

When using the gargle, the patient should use it in a similar manner to gargling mouthwash. It should not be swallowed. It won't cause any serious immediate harm if it is, but that's a lot of salt to add to your diet.

Both the nose drops and the gargle can be used 2 to 3 times a day. I would avoid doing more than that as too much salt will dry out the area similar to being burned, causing pain rather than relief.

The second remedy for the throat and nose is peppermint. Peppermint has menthol in it, and can help temporarily clear the sinuses and numb the throat. A good peppermint tea, or peppermint altoids will achieve this. Do not attempt to use straight peppermint oil (used for flavoring candies.) It is way too strong, and the smell and sensation and will cause choking.

For a very sore throat, temporarily pain relief can be achieved by drinking clove tea. If clove tea is not available near you, a clove infusion can be made at home by boiling a half to one teaspoon of whole cloves in water a small saucepan until the water takes on a light amber color. The water should then be cooled before drinking. For me, the numbness usually lasts for about the amount of time it takes to digest a couple of over the counter painkiller/fever reducers.

Also helpful for sore throat is a mix of whiskey, honey, and lemon. When mixed in equal parts, the concoction makes a good homespun cough syrup. For more of a therapeutic beverage, mix a quarter cup of 40 proof (available at the grocery store) whiskey with two teaspoons each of honey and lemon. This is close to the basic recipe for a hot toddy. This will offer some relief to the throat, help cut mucus, and hopefully make the patient feel relaxed and sleepy.

A good beverage for dealing with post nasal drip is heated honey lemonade. Use real lemon juice or lemon juice concentrate mixed with water as directed on the package. Sweeten to taste with honey and heat as you would tea or hot chocolate. The warmth and the lemon will help to thin and eliminate the mucus. Honey will help soothe the throat to reduce coughing and sneezing, unlike sugar, which can be an irritant.

For a cough and chest congestion, the hot toddy recipe will also help. In addition, I like to use a Traditional Medicinals brand tea called Breathe Easy. This tea helps to calm the respiratory system and reduce coughing. Between doses of this, peppermint tea can also aid in temporarily reducing sinus congestion.

There is one really good over the counter drug for expelling phlegm from the chest and sinuses. Guaifenesin comes in several name brand OTC medicines, in doses varying from about 100mg to about 12oomg. I have found that my system does not handle the larger doses well at all, but I can take low-dose liquid guaifenesin without much trouble.

However, I can't always get my hands on that right away when I'm sick. When that happens, my second choice is a teaspoon of grated horse radish. If you can't swallow that straight, try eating it with toast or on a chicken or beef sandwich.

Horse radish irritates the mucus membranes, so you will find yourself coughing and/or sneezing more instead of less. However, the cough will also be much more productive than prior to consumption, making it a decent substitute for chemical expectorants.

To avoid too much coughing, use of horse radish can be followed up with the 1-1-1 whiskey remedy mentioned above.

Another remedy for chest congestion involves turning your bathroom into a temporary sauna.

With the door closed, run your shower on hot only so that it will steam the room. Do not run the exhaust fan while steaming the room. Stay in the room with the door closed for 20 minutes, or until the shower runs out of steam. Be sure to sit close to the shower, and up off of the floor. It'll be really warm in there, so "dress" as for a sauna.

I also recommend using Vicks VapoRub on your chest while in the steam room, or using a SudaCare Shower Soother. The steam will help to get the medicine deep into the lungs where it will have the most needed effect. After exiting the steam room, dress warmly to remain comfortable. Be sure to leave the bathroom door open and the fan on for at least half an hour to allow everything to dry.

At night, you'll want to keep the chest warm, but the air cool. Turn the heat down in your bedroom to a few degrees lower than you usually prefer. Warm air will irritate rather than soothe, and can make breathing more difficult. Cool air can help to keep inflammation down.

Night is also a good a good time to apply soothing vapors.
A plug-in, waterless vaporizer which contains menthol works well, and there are a couple of brands available in most stores. Vicks makes one, and so do the makers of Sudafed and Pedia Care. Your local pharmacy may even have a store brand. Look for one that at least has Menthol or Eucalyptus. Better ones will also include Camphor, and the best ones will have Rosemary, which helps to destroy bacteria.

Before these were available, my family had a home remedy which my Mom used on me as a child. It was unchanged for generations, until Vicks began producing VapoRub, after which that was added by my Grandma. It's a gross remedy, but it works really well. Make a mix of about 1 1/2 teaspoon of bacon grease with a dollop (about a half teaspoon) of Vicks VapoRub, and a quarter teaspoon of salt. This is spread on the chest as a plaster. The plaster should be covered with a folded up cloth which you don't mind having permanent grease stains. Over that, the patient should wear a tight fitting (but still comfortable) shirt to hold it in place. The plaster should be used at bedtime and worn all night. The mix warms the chest, and acts as both a decongestant and expectorant without adding chemicals to the body, and can therefore be used in addition to medicine.

While the patient is sick, food will likely be largely unappealing, but soup and broth generally goes down well even when the appetite is gone. When someone in my family is that sick, I use a simple recipe. In a large soup pot, start two quarts of chicken broth. Add 1 tablespoon garlic powder, a teaspoon onion powder, a pinch of celery seed, and a bag of 30 minute egg noodles. Bring to a boil, and cook for 30 minutes.
Substitutes for powdered spices would be one clove of garlic, one half onion, and one stalk of celery, all finely chopped (small as you can.) Cooking time would be the same.
If the patient has enough appetite to tolerate meat, add one cooked, diced chicken breast or one can pre-cooked chicken. If not, the broth and noodles will be fortifying enough, since the patient should also be resting as much as possible.

Once the patient is feeling well enough to have more of an appetite, I use an inexpensive but delicious recipe my family always just called What'cha Got Stew. It wasn't the same every time, because Mom used whatever "red" meat scraps and matching (mostly) broth we had in the freezer, and a variety of veggies in it (whatever we needed to use up; hence the name,) but a good basic version is this:
2 quarts beef broth or beef stock
1/2 to 3/4 pound cooked stew scraps, chopped up roast beef, or ground hamburger
1 small or half large head green cabbage, chopped into 1 inch chunks
1 large or 2 small to medium carrot(s), diced
1/2 onion, diced
3 or 4 potatoes, chopped
1 bag of frozen mixed vegetables
1/2 C rice or barley
Boil until potatoes and carrots are fully cooked and (if used) barley is soft. Corn starch can be added to thicken broth to make stew.
This is one of those things that Mom could get me to eat even when I felt like death warmed over, and to this day is one of my favorite recipes. I used to also add mushrooms to this, but can't any more, due to allergies in my household. However, I can attest to the fact that chopped portabella mushrooms go very well with this recipe.

To get the germs and chemicals out of your system, you'll want (as your doctor says) to consume lots of fluids. This works nicely with drinking tea and hot lemonade for your throat. In addition to that, it's good to have an 8 ounce glass of 100% cranberry juice or a can of non-alcoholic beer each day to act as a mild diuretic. For beer drinkers, I recommend getting a darker beer (like Odools Amber) to slightly increase the sulfur intake, since that will also help fight the infection. Regular beer would also work (again, the darker the better), but if using a whiskey remedy, it's best to not also consume alcoholic beer, as too much alcohol during an illness can cause dehydration, and will give the body one more substance to filter out when it is all ready trying to deal with germs and drugs.

This might not sound like a remedy, but laughing it up will also help banish a cold. As a powerful antidote to stress and depression caused by feeling under the weather, laughter gives the immune system a little (but much needed) kick. Watch a funny movie, listen to silly songs, or read a humorous book. Visit a whimsical website like icanhascheezburger.com, or a funny blog like damnyouautocorrect.com or regretsy.com.
The increase in humor, and resulting decrease in stress is sure to also help with the next and most important home remedy for any illness.

Finally, sleep, sleep, sleep! It takes a huge amount of energy for your body to battle an infection, and it is able to do that better when energy is not being used for other work. Patients should get as much rest as possible when feeling under the weather, to shorten the duration of any illness.

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Cinnamon Roll Recipe, uses bread machine for dough

I didn't have all of the ingredients for my usual cinnamon roll recipe, but really wanted cinnamon rolls, so I decided to wing it. I based what I did on a basic bread recipe. Then, I switched from water to milk to compensate for not having sour cream. I increased the amount of oil, added eggs, sugar, and cinnamon, and compensated for the extra liquid with more flower. The filling is just cinnamon, sugar, and butter.

Wet stuff
1c milk
2 Lg eggs
1/4 c oil
5 T sugar
1/4 t cinnamon
1 t vanilla

Dry stuff
3 1/2 to 4 c flour
1 t baking powder
2 t yeast

Also,
3 T butter, melted
1 T cinnamon
1/4 to 1/2 C brown sugar

Mix wet stuff in bread machine mixer. Mix Flour and baking powder in bowl. Top wet stuff with most of flour mix. Make a well for the yeast and add it. Place in bread maker and mix on Dough setting. Check after about 2 minutes, and add more flour mix as needed, then allow mixing to finish. Allow to rise until timer goes off.

Remove from bread maker and roll dough out on flat surface to about a centimeter thick in a rectangular shape. Spread about 1 1/2 T butter over dough. Sprinkle evenly with cinnamon, then cover evenly with brown sugar. Roll the dough up into a log shape. Spread the remaining butter over outside of log. Slice into individual rolls about an inch to an inch and a half thick. Place rolls on a greased cookie sheet and let rise until double in size, about 45 minutes, in a warm room.

Bake at 400 degrees, 12 minutes or until golden brown.
Makes 12 to 16 rolls, depending on thickness.